Filmfail.com

Dwayne Johnson (Right), Sexy Man-Meat (Also Right)

As many of you know, we here at filmfail.com love showing you images of heavily muscled men. Just constant streams of sexy man-curves, awww yeah. There might be some things in this video which aren’t sexy man-curves, and for that I apologize. I did my best to edit out anything which I deemed unsexy, unmanly, or un…curve…ly, but some things may have escaped my all-powerful grasp. I hope you all enjoy the green screen which I could have easily manipulated to make the background more interesting, but did not. You can’t always have everything you want in life, and if I don’t teach you that, how will you ever develop a crippling dependence on my every word?

Hugsies,
Dan

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Hey ladies, I have some chipmunks here for you, which I know are the key to arousing you, so let me just get-what? What do you mean you harbor no feelings of sexual attraction towards chipmunks? Dammit, Alvin and the Chipmunks 2, you’ve lied to me yet again!!! Ah forget it. These Chipmunks, if you are somehow unfamiliar with them, sing squeaky versions of pop songs, like Glee for the mentally challenged, and then, once their prey has been lulled into a trance-like stupor, they viciously nibble out their eyeballs. It’s very realistically done in the movie, I think they used real eyeballs. Anyway, enjoy!

Dan

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Peer into the face of Terror. Does it shock you? Does it make you wet certain articles of clothing? GOOD. Robert Zemeckis, the director of The Polar Express, which is the notorious movie archetypal of the “Uncanny Valley” theory that there are certain styles of animation which just creep everyone out, decides to repeat his mistake with “A Christmas Carol”. So, basically we get to see “A Christmas Carol” rehashed yet again, but this time we’re treated to four different iterations of Jim Carey’s creepified face. Ewwwww.

Imma gonna give you guys something special next week, and it may involve a lot of people dying. So even if you don’t like it, you’ll be able to rest assured that it will be bringing a warm smile to my face.

Toodles,
Daniel

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If I had to think up a corny joke to go along with this week’s video, it would go a little something like this: “I tried to make this video P.C., but it turns out I’m a Mac!” Ahahaha, I slay me. Instead of focusing only on one, I looked at basically all the big movies coming out this week, because I couldn’t decide on only one I didn’t want to see. Yeah, I’m not going to be seeing a movie this weekend, if you didn’t already assume that. This venture has actually had a positive real world application in that respect. Now, people always know better than to ask me to go see a movie, they’ll say “Dan, do you want to go see…oh wait, you probably don’t want to see anything, right?” and then I say “OF COURSE NOT” and I eat them. Om nom nom.

This video answers last week’s question, “Would you rather watch a Tyler Perry movie or Gay Porn?” The results were none too surprising. Check out all the exciting excitement:

Wasn’t that excitement exciting? I liked the part where he was all like “NO” but it was funny because, aww you know…ya had to be there.

VOTE:
Leave a comment as to whether you’d rather Love Happens to end happily or in DEATH. If you vote for the answer I want you to pick, I just might count it! That’s right, screw everything, this is a fascist democracy!

Love,
Daniel

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Well let’s get one thing straight. No one is expecting this movie to be good. In fact, I was checking twitter (I know, I know, TWITTER) to see what kinds of people might actually be interested in seeing this fine piece of cinematic mastery, and the only people who wanted to see the movie were saying: “Lol its gona b bad but I want to c #Bandslam cause it has the trailer to New Moon!!! <3″ So if I can get a hallelujah here, tweens are SO susceptible to advertising that they’ll pay 12 dollars and waste 90 minutes just to see a trailer for a movie they could also just look up on youtube. In effect, preferring the advertising (New Moon trailer) to whatever the advertising was paying for (Bandslam). Where’s my ski mask? I’m starting a life of crime.

Oh, so those links right below are helpful if you want to be notified whenever I make a new video. Though if you’d rather just check the website every 12 seconds, that’s cool too. The iTunes one is my personal favorite. It automatically downloads the videos whenever they come out. If I didn’t use it, I might not even know when I uploaded a video which would just be a travesty.

Dan

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