Hey friends! I was going to have a longer video for you, but I was eating some pretzels whilst editing, and just as I was about to finish, the pretzels in my hand began to burn with the white hot intensity of a thousand suns.
“Gadzooks!” I crooned.
Then suddenly, the pretzels melted into a puddle on the floor and a blinding ray of light shot up, burning a hole in my ceiling, and the colons of all residents on the 4th floor of my apartment building. The light faded, and as my eyes slowly adjusted to what had just happened, I saw it.
It was a being made of pure…pretzel. A horror unlike any one has ever seen, the pretzel being smiled wryly and said, “I’ll bet you’re wondering what I’m doing here.”
“Yes! Explain yourself, foul beast!”
“Woah, beast? I’m the essence of a delicious snack. Let’s show some respect.”
“But you’re! Well, I suppose you’re right…I’m, I’m sorry.”
“TOO LATE ASSHOLE!”
And with that, the pretzely apparition impaled me with a pretzel rod, leaving me nailed to the wall, a cold lifeless body. Fortunately he was kind enough to upload what I had edited onto youtube, and write this entry as though I were still alive. Did I mention how sexy and intelligent the pretzel being was? I sure wish I wasn’t impaled against a wall so I could hang out with him…