Twilight sucksTwilight is your typical story of girl meets sparkly perfect angelic vampire boy, girl is mistreated and stalked by vampire boy, girl falls in love with vampire boy, and then baseball happens. Seriously, vampire baseball, in a thunderstorm. You can’t make this stuff up, unless you’re a sad Mormon housewife turned millionaire author, then you can make up all sorts of nonsense.

For those who aren’t in the know, this movie is just filled with hilarity and bad life lessons for young girls. Then there’s the one two punch of Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson. You’ve got Stewart on one side mumbling and biting her lips though each line, then you’ve got Pattinson practicing looks that would land uglier people in court for sexual harassment. I seriously recommend it to anyone in need of a laugh, or, alternatively, a cry.

Disasterpiece Theatre is produced for NYU Local in conjunction with legendary filmmaker and celebrity pharmacist, Andy Heriaud, who also wrote that intro text.

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