Filmfail.com

Peer into the face of Terror. Does it shock you? Does it make you wet certain articles of clothing? GOOD. Robert Zemeckis, the director of The Polar Express, which is the notorious movie archetypal of the “Uncanny Valley” theory that there are certain styles of animation which just creep everyone out, decides to repeat his mistake with “A Christmas Carol”. So, basically we get to see “A Christmas Carol” rehashed yet again, but this time we’re treated to four different iterations of Jim Carey’s creepified face. Ewwwww.

Imma gonna give you guys something special next week, and it may involve a lot of people dying. So even if you don’t like it, you’ll be able to rest assured that it will be bringing a warm smile to my face.

Toodles,
Daniel

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Aw MAN does Filmfail.com make me mad! That stupid Dan Rickmers and his “movie” “reviews”! Hey brah, you don’t even give those movies a chance! If you don’t know what I’m so MAD about, then look at the God-awful review of Saw 6 he did last week on Filmfail.com: http://www.filmfail.com/all/saw6/

Do you think you could post this video I made about how you suck so everyone else can watch it and have lulz at you? Kthx.

Glad I got that angeriness out of my system. See you next week, and SCREW that Dan Rickmers, lols!

Sincerely,
Dan Rickmers

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Listen, we all like the fake reviews, and the jokes and the nonsense, but let’s be honest for a second. What you really come here for is the integrity with which I review films, sparing no critical interpretation. Well that’s what this is about. My honest, critical opinion of Saw 6. No more, no less. I’m bearing my heart and soul to you, so without further ado, Saw 6 in it’s most raw form:

Rarely do we ever get to experience such a moment of real truth and beauty, however brief. I’m glad we could share this precious treasure together. See you next week, campers.

ffffffffff,
Dan

PS: Here is my angry, trolling youtube response to this post. .

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It's HOOOOOOOOORIBLE!

This is why you shouldn’t sneeze into your hands. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS, LARRY. You’re killing your father. Oh, hey dere. I maybe made this video for a class, and I’m maybe going to shamelessly replace this week’s Trailer Trash with it. Horrible, horrible sneezing is involved. Maybe. Death is funny! Speaking of death, I just got back from murdering a couple of Sony representatives who slapped ads all over this video because I use a small part of ELO’s song, Mr. Blue Sky. Cool story guys, why don’t you just come out and ASK me to post a link to one of at least 500 websites where you could download that song in it’s full form, illegally. It’s alright though, in these situations I like to follow the inspirational advice of our friend Courage Wolf:

YES. Okay, now I’m pumped. Here’s the video, which is right here, exclusively for you filmfail friends! and for people who randomly find it on Youtube! Exclamation! Oh, and by the way. Unlike videos where I’m just sitting around allowing words to seep from my mouth-hole, this video probably looks noticeably better in HD than it does in Loser-D, so click the HD button when you start it.

Next week I’ll actually get around to making a Trailer Trash. If I feel like it.

Daniel