Eff Aliens in the Attic, Aliens in the Closet would have been a far better movie. Think about it. It would even star Ronald the Gay Panda as Susan the Bicurious Panda. I know what you’re saying, don’t we already have ENOUGH big gay bears in Hollywood? I mean yes, one Phillip Seymour Hoffman is enough, but let’s not allow that fact to turn our mind-grapes off of the idea completely. Oh, and this week’s Trailer Trash is on Aliens in the Attic, which is instead a boring, generic movie about aliens…in the attic. Correction: The Aliens spend little to no time in the attic. Come on, at least stick with your lame story!
I hope none of you qualify as the D-bags I mentioned in the end of the video. Heh, D-Bags. That would be a good rapper name for when I decide to quit my life of making fake movie reviews and drop Troof bombs all over the hip hop community.
I realize none of you will actually refer to the movie/Katherine Heigl/everyone they know as Titsiana Booberini, but don’t you think the world would be just a little bit better if you did? There would be no war, because who would want to hunt down and kill someone named Titsiana Booberini? I sure wouldn’t. Anyway, how weird is it that this is a rated “R” romantic comedy? I guess they just want something for the girls to go see when they want to be “bad”, since this movie not only acknowledges the fact that sex exists, but pushes the totally original idea that men are more forward about their desire to partake in sex than women are. ISN’T THAT HILARIOUS?????
I can’t find it anywhere online, but from what I gather, Titsiana Booberini is about a cashier this girl, taking her name from the title, who just wants this other cashier to notice her, but he wont, so she just daydreams about people dancing. Apparently it has nothing to do with softcore pornography, which was my initial assumption/desire.
You know, I really love the sub-culture that has been derived from Harry Potter a lot more than Harry Potter itself. Seriously, you’ve got Potter Puppet Pals, really bad “wizard rock”, Harry Twatter, and of course the inspiration for this video, Brad Neely’s “Wizard People, Dear Reader”. This is a little homage (a euphemism for direct copy) to the latter, and I hope you’ll all enjoy it. If any of you are getting weary of not seeing my face for 4 minutes each week, which I’m assuming you’re not, I’ll be back in the flesh for next week’s installment of TRAILER TRASH. Woo.
By the way, doing that voice kind of hurt my vocal chords after awhile. Personally, I don’t know how that Brad Neely did it over the course of an entire movie without clawing out his throat with a deranged housecat.
Since I’m on vacation, I thought I’d give you all a break from watching me make fun of movies…by using pop culture to make fun of movies! Coolio. The funny thing is that youtube almost always slaps my videos with a this-video-is-probably-infringing-upon-copyright warning, which I have to refute each time since Trailer Trash is totally legit (well, at least legally) but they had NO problem with this one, which frankly is much more dubious. Some people would even say illegal, but some people can just shut da eff up! Oh, this is very NSFW language wise, so exercise caution if you’re like a priest or a little baby. Go away, baby. No one likes it when little babies use the interweb.
I’ll gladly make some more of these types of videos if you like them, so let me know by sending me an email, digging the article, leaving a comment or subscribing on iTunes if you don’t want to put in the effort of writing “lollerskates” in the comment box.
Let me just throw out an obligatory Spoiler Alert for any Disney movies you might see ever. So I was watching Up the other day, and at the climax, a certain geriatric villain falls to his death, which called something to my mind. That thing was EVERY OTHER DISNEY MOVIE EVER. (links probably NSFW)
Let’s review:
Beauty and the Beast – Gaston, the lecherous cockblock to the hairy guy, falls off the beast’s castle, even after the beast carefully describes the dangers and pitfalls one may encounter when standing upon the high ledges of a gigantic castle.
The Lion King – Scar falls off the cliff and is met by his pissed off hyena lackeys
The Hunchback of Notre Dame – Frollo grabs onto the wrong gargoyle statue, and falls into some molten lead. Be more careful, brah.
Tarzan – Clayton, the shotgun wielding, overly macho adventurer, trips out of a tree and is strangled by a conveniently placed vine. A little brutal there, Disney?
Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs – That nasty witch is struck by lightning (what are the chances!) and falls off the cliff she was hanging out on (bad idea if you ever happen to be a Disney villain) and is subsequently crushed by the boulder she was kinda thinkin’ about crushing the dwarfs with.
There are probably more if you’re feeling wikipedia-ish. These are just the ones that I remember. Now the weird thing about all these people falling is that it kind of works as a lucky break for the good guy. You have this moralistic, gung-ho savior and here he has to commit murder in order to get rid of the icky, nasty bad guy. Conundrum! Fortunately the genius writers at Disney have come up with a cure-all for this; have the antagonist fall to his death all on his own! Wowie, that sure is smart, because then the good guy can even run over to the edge and act like they really didn’t want the guy to fall and die, giving them extra Karma points!
It’s always weird that the thought process always seems to be “Oh no! That guy I was fighting fell to his death! I’m so sad! Ah who cares, he was evil anyway.” Since, as we all know, anyone who has a different perspective is unworthy of life, and murder is okay, as long as no one likes them. It’s not like in order to get Disney funding the writers have to include an arbitrary plummet at some point to satiate Walt Disney’s sick last request before he froze himself, just that these movies are almost always aimed at the kiddies, and the Disney mentality is that “kids should never see good people do bad things, because then they’ll get confused and probably become sexual deviants or at the very least murderers.” I had a pure and wonderful childhood, if you couldn’t tell.
Moral: When becoming a Disney villain, confront all heroes at a comfortable elevation.
Dan
PS: I didn’t make this, but take notice of how many of these people fall:
O hai! Im Dan Rickmers, the main editor for Filmfail.com, and the guy in all those videos. Im a Junior in NYUs undergraduate Cinema Studies program, and I love making fun of movies. Does that make me an asshole? Totally, but thats why you came here, isnt it?
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