Posted by Dan Rickmers On March - 7 - 2010ADD COMMENTS
Smexy Liveblogging
Hey palsies, Liveblog is live! Jump up on it! We’re making lolsworthy comments on The Oscars. Well, it’s over now, but I’ll leave the link up anyway. Now Liveblog is Deadblog:
It gets a little weird at parts, and might not make sense out of context, but there are some good one liners, and equally good meme posts if you look around. It’s like an Oscar-related 4chan!
Posted by Dan Rickmers On March - 4 - 20102 COMMENTS
Youtube has this new feature called “closed captioning,” which is supposed to automatically translate voice to text for the deaf or something dumb like that. What it actually does is mistranslate everything with often hilarious results. So I transcribed this week’s episode of Trailer Trash, the one on the new Robert Pattinson movie, Remember Me. It’s pretty damn funny if you ask me. Probably funnier than the video itself, which is about how a gay man named Robert Hansen (code for Robert Pattinson) is plotting some sort of terrorist attack according to this transcript. Yikes.
Dammit youtube, is it THAT obvious?
Welcome to this week’s episode of “Compel the Concentrated Trash.” I didn’t rehearse, and is it EVER going to be reviewing Remember Be? So sick! That Robert, as an individual, you have stood up from her hands. True. Remember May, let’s say, “well, I don’t know five watch it.” It’s terrible terrible movie, but it IS possible. Alright, the drop said, “in New York City during the Summer of 2001.” What? Either Paterson [Pattinson], of then, these young men beat. Alley, the check from laws, through Princeton the- MMMMMM.
There’s your health, you, and the tragedy. The soonest circumstances that brought them together red irritable halt. What’s the probability is this? Robert Hansen. [Pattinson]
Was it just THAT huge, Pattinson?
“You can’t!”
“Foreign Minister, it simple.”
“That’s…It was just huge!”
He was.
That’s right Barbara, most part because it does whatever the party! Lots of coal. Yeah.
Then he alley, the only one who could sell hardened hearts, but the sensitivity and cases in the sociology of the readers. Can be? No.
That’s not…shot is totally unfounded view of life! I mean that’s why I don’t [verb] the east Asian studies major with a modern country…and there are signs of morality. Rubber bands and they THINK he’d be a reality. Is. But that’s it from Office. Pretty really is that too.
“What is this is?! Don’t talk about society.”
I second that, you pretentious ass.
She’s a free will that she can hear you that he or she wants to! The two “firecrackers,” don’t they? Central. Sexual.
“The yes.”
“Standing at the things: you.”
But then, something wonderful! They don’t realize is that Jim Crow laws! So across the city…alright. You know.
Seriously? Jim Crow laws?
But this isn’t the case! What do you think that this might be? Could it be, that’s different? I think…that he’s [Robert Pattinson] out [of the closet]!
“Steve.”
Maybe. Could it be, the up? They wouldn’t do that. This is exploitative. Wait a minute…let’s take a look at the post. But the issue here, we got a New York City skyline attack, so that money, “the stuff…”
STOP JUDGING ME.
I don’t know. Let’s take a look at the…uh, the Fed may come as a result of us, okay? But as usual, a little bit more “leading.” I’ll tell you what, let’s look at the polls Friday.
That does seem to be conclusive. My theory is that Robert Hansen was the murder of THE WHOLE TIME. Yeah, and what better way to move it forward for humanity kids! And still months its rules to avoid a statistical there. Wasn’t until that time he does. Other the lifeblood of the authors with some friends! I don’t really know what that means, but let me say this: it.
Use the buddy system when sucking "the lifeblood of the authors."
So like…[you] probably won’t watch. I don’t know where to determine book, I also would tell you guys a and…so this is leading…SUFFER in this whole case. A lot of age.
Following a quitter cleared up calls; last day on Earth matters. So you feel, though that followed the frankly seventy-two in order of labor people. Maybe some of the look for. Very little, but totally right. About it. Whatever. Watch. Alright?
Wasn’t that wonderful? I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did. Here’s a link back to the original post, and here’s the video which you can watch on your very own!
Posted by Dan Rickmers On March - 4 - 20102 COMMENTS
Remember Me. How could we forget? It’s not like Twilight fangirlboys ever shut up about Robert Pattinson, and if it’s not Twilight, it’s Lost, so it only makes sense that movie producermans would make a movie with stars from BOTH in it. Ya got yer Robert Pattinson, ya got yer Emilie de Ravin, Throw in a little 9/11 controversy and ye got yerself a clusterfuck of successful box office returns! It was also a smart move on his part to save money on a screenwriter by having it written by a teen romance novelist. Oh it wasn’t? Coulda fooled me!
Posted by Dan Rickmers On February - 25 - 20102 COMMENTS
This Oscar in a garbage can, where it belongs.
This week I handicap the 2010 Oscars, but it’s not like I needed to handicap The Academy Awards when they’re already so retarded, right? Right guys? Anyway, in this video I kidnap James Cameron, Kathryn Bigelow, Jason Reitman and Sandra Bullock…and what do they do? Start having sex in my closet. Great. You’d think that last thing that divorced people would do with each other is have sex. Well technically dying is the last thing they’d do. It’s really the last thing anyone would do. Woah. It just got mad existential up in here.
Posted by Dan Rickmers On February - 18 - 2010ADD COMMENTS
The original wasn't any better, but it WAS funnier.
Here we have yet another remake of George Romero’s B Horror movies, The Crazies. I have no idea why this is happening, but I’m assuming it’s because no one has ever seen the original. B Horror movies are rarely, if ever the slightest bit scary. In fact, the main reason people watch them is because they’re funny. The original The Crazies features some of the worst acting you’ll ever see in your life, and that’s honestly the main appeal. This remake is bad for different reasons, like it’s the original minus the joy you’d get by hearing so many terrible untrained actors deliver lines with the finesse of an eggplant. Clumsy eggplants! Watch the video. Share
Be sure to tell all your friends and loved ones, lest they turn into crazies and murder you!
O hai! Im Dan Rickmers, the main editor for Filmfail.com, and the guy in all those videos. Im a Junior in NYUs undergraduate Cinema Studies program, and I love making fun of movies. Does that make me an asshole? Totally, but thats why you came here, isnt it?
Be notified some OTHER way.
